A few years ago I had written this list up. It may have been around 2012. Unfortunately, I think it went the way of the old ServiceNow community from yesteryear (you know, when it was Service-Now). But alas – I found a remnant of an email with the list. So now I can publish it on my own blog!
If you needed something changed in ServiceNow, Chuck could finish it so fast, it’d be done before you even had a chance to ask for it…
Chuck Norris would never need to enable plugins. They’d enable themselves…
Chuck Norris would have already updated his instance to Berlin. In fact, Chuck would have upgraded his instance beyond the new naming convention…
Update sets are completely useless to Chuck Norris. If he wants to make an update, he would roundhouse kick it directly into the cloud – without ever leaving his chair…
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to code in Javascript. Javascript knows what Chuck wants and will code itself…
Chuck Norris would never elevate his role to security_admin; security_admin would elevate to Chuck…
Chuck Norris would not only have a “Live Feed,” but he would also have an “Unconscious Feed” – for those that piss him off…
Chuck Norris’s Live Feed Administration would contain a “Roundhouse Kick” button in addition to the “Like” button. He never could use it though, as no technology built by man could provide the power to process the action (and no one could survive it anyway)…
Chuck Norris never would need to use Transform Maps when importing data. First, Chuck doesn’t transform for anything and second, the data would be scared of Chuck and will find it’s own way into ServiceNow…
Chuck’s instance would only have one activity in the workflow editor; “Roundhouse Kick”…
Chuck Norris’s instance would work so fast, people will think the product is called “ServiceYesterday”…
When Chuck Norris would impersonate someone, he will actually take over their body…
Cloud computing would have been invented just so Chuck Norris could work on ServiceNow. In fact, Al Gore would have invented the entire internet for the exact same reason…
Chuck Norris could build a Service Catalog that delivers the requested item before the person orders it, but he likes Einstein too much to disprove relativity…
Chuck Norris’s instance wouldn’t be aligned to ITIL. ITIL would have to be rewritten to align itself to Chuck Norris’s instance…
ServiceNow would keep Chuck’s instance on it’s own server, in a lead vault, and under a mountain. This wouldn’t be to keep it safe from anything; it would be to keep everything safe from it…
Chuck’s mere presence at Knowledge 12 would actually make Chris Dancy speechless…
ServiceNow would want to name the version between Berlin and Dublin “Chuck”, but that would be an insult to Chuck Norris: He is already the greatest and none can come after…
The real reason why Fred Luddy would have left Peregrine and started ServiceNow: Chuck Norris told him to do it in his unconscious sleep…without him ever knowing…
